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Is My AI Doppelganger Gaining Sentience? Jul. 12, 2025
Discourse suggests that artificial intelligence is stealing both our souls and our writerly tics. Sl... Read More
Alligator Alcatraz Is Florida's Shame Jul. 05, 2025
One year ago, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law a path toward restitution for boys who endur... Read More
I Am a Bland Florida Tomato and I Just Want Love Jun. 28, 2025
Wow, thanks for ordering me. You're going to love... wait. No, no, no, hold on, please don't peel m... Read More
Is This Spam Text Asking Me Out? Jun. 21, 2025
Last week, I got a text: Are you free tomorrow? Come to my house for dinner, and I will make your fa... Read More
Tips on Winning a Breakup From a Hysterical Woman Jun. 14, 2025
Hi, woman here. Sorry to step out of line, but the men need help. It has been brought to the attenti... Read More
Don't Make Me Say It Jun. 07, 2025
My family came to visit me in Florida recently. Their sole request was to patronize a Tijuana Flats ... Read More
How To Remake a Political Career in Wrestling May. 31, 2025
You do not want to lose the wrestling fans, OK? Few folks are so passionately clear-eyed about their... Read More
A Good Day and a Bad Night at the Pseudonymous Resort May. 23, 2025
As a speaker, my life involved getting paid to go to places where other people vacationed. Still, I ... Read More
Pinnacles and Unforgettable Shebangs May. 16, 2025
You'd think I'd know the date of my wedding, but apparently you'd be wrong. As I write these words, ... Read More
The Realest ID Is the One Left at the Bar May. 10, 2025
I say this as the biggest procrastinator in the world, a habitual April 14 taxpayer, someone who thi... Read More
Mild to Moderate Medical Conditions for the End Times May. 03, 2025
In my free time, I've been exclusively watching medical shows and making doctor's appointments. No, ... Read More
A Long, Strange Trip: Stairway to Heaven Version May. 02, 2025
The 60s were an off-kilter adventure (much of which actually happened in the 70s). Imagine yourself ... Read More
Get Ready for a Hot Norovirus Summer Apr. 26, 2025
Hey, you look a little listless, wan from the drudgeries of dry land. With temperatures heating up a... Read More
I Am Your New Dishwasher and I Will Destroy You Apr. 12, 2025
Hi, and welcome to your new dishwasher! We hope you enjoy the experience of not quite getting your d... Read More
Best and Worst Recession Indicators Apr. 05, 2025
How did you spend Liberation Day? I celebrated President Donald Trump announcing confounding recipro... Read More
Kids, Pull Yourselves Up by the Bootstraps! Mar. 29, 2025
Eyes up, children. It's 2025, and you can say goodbye to Takis and Mountain Dew Code Red by the pool... Read More
Feeling World-Weary? Sink Into Nature for a Reset Mar. 15, 2025
Last weekend, I ventured on a wee break to the Rainbow River in Dunnellon, Florida, with friends. Yo... Read More
How To Consume News Responsibly in End Times Mar. 08, 2025
I spoke to a women's group last week about writing columns, working in news, hitting deadlines and a... Read More
Attn: Elon Musk, Here's What I Did This Week Mar. 01, 2025
Things I did this week: Made list titled "Things I did this week." Crossed off "make list." Very str... Read More
In Trump's America, Humor Has One Foot in the Grave Feb. 15, 2025
"Maybe you just aren't fun anymore," a reader wrote to me recently. With all due respect to this rea... Read More
